I find it easier to take a vacation with my 5 year old son than with my husband.
There. I’ve said it.
Even with the three of us, he’s more trouble than triplets. Especially if there is plane travel involved. The packing. The dealing with the nonsense of not being able to carry on all the things you used to be able to carry on…razors, creams, lotions and potions. He complains about waiting, the people, the seating, the price of drinks, the price of the tickets. If our son is antsy (as 5 year olds tend to be) I get to hear about THAT, too. And I’m supposed to handle all of this in exactly the way and in the amount of time he feels I should handle it.
We’ve taken separate vacations. I’ve gone down to visit my relatives in Florida and it was easy-breezy. Inexpensive. I’d crash with Eddie at my cousins’ place and have them drive me to and from the airport. Husband insists on top dollar hotels and renting a car so he doesn’t have to deal with taxis or, if we’re at Disney, Disney transport. Last time I went down, we stayed at a middle class resort and took over two rooms. We barbecued at the hotel, ate breakfast at a buffet and the kids played Wii, we saw a rodeo. It was fun, just hanging out. Husband, of course, was a poopyhead about being dissuaded from going. It was 96 degrees, Florida in August. Think humidity and love bugs. My family doesn’t really drink so we didn’t see the inside of a bar once, and didn’t wind up even going in a pool due to thunder and lightning. We cooked breakfast in an efficiency at one point. He’d grumbled that he expected me to “party without him” but the only drinking I did was on the plane down…everyone else leaving Islip on Southwest was Disney bound and I was going to see family so the steward gave me a second that I didn’t even want. As far as going wild, the wildest I got was a tattoo that I’d wanted to get for years and he felt he should be able to tell me what to do with my body and took it as a blow I hadn’t told him. He had a tantrum. I glowered, and asked if I was grounded.
You can imagine what it would have been like if I’d taken him…he would have been bored, sulked when we didn’t do what he wanted to do when he wanted to, and I would have had to pack for him. He would have criticized me relaxing and being myself when I was with my cousins, picked at my parenting and well…not had a good time and in doing so, ruined mine. I once got yelled at because he called me in Florida and I was giggling about something with my cousin, and he was…jealous? Oy. One trip down Ed had a cold and was fussy and I gave him those melt on your tongue strips of Triaminic to soothe him and he was fussy with that, too, until the meds kicked in and gave his poor sinuses a break. Jon would have been in an absolute panic. He is a vacation panic looking for a place to happen.
It’s not like I want to go down and cut loose and flirt and meet other men. I just don’t want to have this high maintenance person to entertain and succor when I am trying to relax. Ed goes with the flow. Jon does NOT. If I go to Disney, I want to hit all the rides, gear Ed up with juice and goodies and relax, blow off steam. Not hear about how hot it is, how tired Jon is, how he wants to go back to the hotel, etc. I don’t want to hear about how many things I have to pack in little baggies to get through security, or how it used to be different, or he doesn’t want to leave the hotel room. I want to hang, to cut loose, be on vacation.
Ironically, he always asks if I’m feeling relaxed. What could be LESS relaxing than constantly being asked that question?
I had to twist his arm to have him go on his own vacation…I did make his plane reservations, the friend he was to meet made all the plans down in the Keys. It was like twisting his arm but he was off on his own sojourn. Of course, he had to have a fit that I was having my nephew and ex sister in law over while he was away. Odd. I wouldn’t have minded if the situation were reversed. And he was going off, with the wifely blessing, to see one of his oldest and best friends. He should kiss the ground he has it so good. I used to be much more succoring…leaving him meals to heat up, etc. He had his assistant from work clean the house and do the laundry when I was away for almost a month for my cousin’s wedding, and gloated about how clean the house was when he was solo, nobody to mess it up. But I got over it. Anyone would be more than happy with just being allowed to go away solo sans a hard time.
HOWEVER…
I wasn’t nannying him. And I guess this was the problem.
I’m yearning to go visit friends, introduce them to my son. But Solo. Vacationing as a family is just too much damned work.
I am a lot like your husband.
Oh, I think I do a much better job of keeping a lot of this “complaining” on the inside, but my wife and I seem a lot like you too.
My wife is a lot more laid back than I am. For instance, my wife is off to Orlando this week on a biz trip. Free hotel…generally free travel. My wife suggested I take our oldest and come with her and he and I could bum around Orlando for the week.
Just didn’t sound “fun” to me. Him and me in a strange place trying to do “fun” things for the entire week. And when we’re not “out having fun,” what do we do? I can’t keep my kids happy at home; much less in a hotel in a strange city.
My wife also tries to get me to go do things on my own, but in my case, I have no one to do it with.
The difference I think, is that I KNOW I act this way and I curb it somewhat. At least until my patience gets the best of me.
Good luck. And remember, your husband doesn’t necessarily want to go, or care that he’s not there. He just doesn’t want to feel like you’re glad that he’s NOT there. Even if you don’t mean it, pretend like you REALLY miss him and he’ll be happier.